drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
