May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
