Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
