I want to make a zoo with you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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