did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
