I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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