is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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