If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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