I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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