im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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