Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
