Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
