I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
