Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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