just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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