do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
