highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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