New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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