you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
