Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
