in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
