I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
