I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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