Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
