Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
