my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
