im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
