Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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