this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
