I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
