DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
