well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just cropdusted the office
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize