i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Houston, we have a blender
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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