I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
