Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
