When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
