Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
