I just made out with a guy for $7.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
