Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
