Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
