i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
