Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
