1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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