i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
