I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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