I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
