just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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