Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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