Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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