life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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