I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
