I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize