im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
