If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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