This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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