i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
