I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
