I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
