He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
