I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
