Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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