my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize