I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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