It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
