I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
