I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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