I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
