ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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