now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize