i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
