even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
