Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
