when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
