Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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