Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
