she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
