BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
