We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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