I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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