Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
