Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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