i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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