theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
