Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
