Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
