He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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