3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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