there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
tonight lets celebrate not being married
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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