No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
