I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
