Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
