dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
