I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
