I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
