highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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