Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize