Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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