dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
