it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize