dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
