Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
wow bdsm is so cute
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
