I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
