I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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