I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
