I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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