and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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