got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
