I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
