its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
