'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
