I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
