I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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