Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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