and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
