The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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