I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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